


Wrassling

by shittystorywriter



Category: South Park
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Drabble, Flirting, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Random & Short, Wrassling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 00:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittystorywriter/pseuds/shittystorywriter
Summary: What happens when Cartman and Kyle are left in Stan's basement for 5 minutes.





	Wrassling

It was a night of TV and video games at Stan's house. Stan and Kenny stood in the kitchen, watching patiently as a bag of popcorn spun around in the microwave.

Kyle was in the basement, laying next to Cartman on the floor. The game was paused as they waited for Stan and Kenny to return. He looked over at Cartman, observing the bridge of his nose, how it swooped down and had a little ball of fat at the tip. He despised that it was just another thing about him that made him... _cute_. Nature was unfair for making such a psychotic asshole look so juvenile and innocent. He supposed that this played a role in Cartman's unexplainable ability to charm and swindle people.

Cartman certainly noticed him staring at his face. "Whatchu lookin at, Jew? You wanna take a picture??"

Kyle slightly leant in to give the pudgy tip of his nose a little squeeze. Cartman recoiled and covered his nose with his hand like it had been assaulted. "Ey! What was that for?"

"I just wanted to pinch your nose," Kyle replied.

"Because?" Cartman raised an eyebrow.

Kyle sighed. "Because it's adorable. You're still a sack of shit though."

Cartman gave him a smirk. "Yes, my nose is certainly superior to yours, thanks for noticing," he replied smugly, poking Kyle's nose.

Kyle narrowed his eyes at him. "See what I mean? I try to say something nice for once, and you just insult me back. Fuck you, asshole!"

"Sounds like a plan. Tonight at my place? Don't forget to bring the lube and champagne," he laughed loudly.

Kyle ignored his shoddy joke and stared down at the floor in contempt. "What's wrong with my nose?" he huffed.

Cartman turned to look at Kyle, specifically his nose. Or beak, he would rather call it. "You've got a big ass nose," he responded casually. He felt no remorse for shattering Kyle's self esteem, after all, they'd been insulting and criticizing each other for years.

Kyle looked expectedly offended. "No I don't, it's just..just differently shaped!" he argued.

"It's bigger than Jupiter," Cartman nonchalantly retorted.

"Well, Jupiter's not that big!" Kyle defended in a childish tone.

"It's the biggest planet in our solar system," Cartman chuckled.

"Wow, I can't believe you even knew that. I bet Jupiter is also 50 billion times bigger than your brain. Or your dick," Kyle smirked.

"Ey, don't talk shit about my dick, you dick!" Now, it was Cartman's turn to be offended.

"Yeah, well I heard it's the size of a peanut," Kyle laughed viciously.

"From who? Your mom?" Cartman smirked triumphantly. His smile disappeared once he realized that he had just implied having sex with Kyle's mom.

Kyle started laughing hysterically. "Oh my god, Cartman.. I didn't know you were into my mom like that!"

"Shut up!" Cartman snapped. "I would never touch your nasty mom!"

"And nobody's moms would touch your wee little parts," Kyle continued his laughing fit.

"Oh you're one to talk, Kahl. At least I don't have a big long schlong on my face, you dick nosed, Jew ass pussy faggot!" Cartman's face was turning red from yelling.

Kyle continued laughing boisterously. He enjoyed how easy it was to get Cartman riled up. "OH YEAH? Well at least I'm not a fucking fata-"

He could barely finish his sentence before Cartman lunged at him and knocked him over, pinning him down to the carpet by his arms. "Don't you say it," he warned, face red as a tomato, his eyes glaring down at Kyle.

Kyle just smiled, ready to challenge him. "You're a-"

Cartman slapped his face. "DON'T YOU SAY IT."

Kyle continued to grin smugly up at him. "Fucking."

You could almost see the steam coming out of Cartman's ears. "DON'T," he warned again.

Kyle let out a laugh. They challenged each other with their glares, but he was not intimidated. "Fatass," he finally sputtered out, breaking free of the grip on his arms to grab Cartman's ass with a squeeze.

"What the fuck! You just molested me, you homo!" Cartman yelled. Kyle continued laughing again, enjoying the look of shock on his face.

"That's a bad Kyle!" Cartman pushed him away, grabbed a nearby videogame controller and started spanking Kyle's ass with it. "Bad Kyle! Bad Kyle!"

Kyle rolled over and started kicking him with his feet. "Eww, don't touch me with your dirty socks!" Cartman yelled, defending himself with his arms. Kyle grinned and continued to kick at him, until Cartman grabbed him by the ankles, pulling him across the floor.

Kyle resisted, finally kicking and pushing Cartman backwards onto the carpet. After that, they somehow ended standing up on their knees in a slapping match. Kyle eventually lost balance, toppled over on Cartman and they fell backwards onto the carpet.

Stan and Kenny had just begun to come down the stairs in time to witness the two rolling around the carpet in a "wrassling" match. Now Cartman was holding Kyle down and threatening to lick his face, as Kyle screamed and tried to push him away with his hands.

"What the fuck?" Kenny spoke for the both of them. He laughed at the scene, but Stan felt like he was gonna puke. "Kenny, is it normal that this makes me want to throw up?"

"Yeah, it's pretty damn weird," Kenny huffed.

"We walk away for two minutes and this happens.." Stan shook his head.

Cartman and Kyle are so engrossed in..whatever they're doing that they don't notice Stan and Kenny on the stairs.

"It's hard to tell if they're trying to kill or hump each other," Kenny whispered, as they watched the bizarre fight.

"On my basement floor. Ugh." Stan pinched his nose.

"I'd set up a hidden camera so we can record it in case they actually do anything sexual down here," Kenny grinned.

Stan put a hand over his mouth and ran to the nearest bathroom. The sounds of his puking could be heard along with Cartman and Kyle's miscellaneous screams and grunting noises.

If he closes his eyes, it sounds like a really terrible porno, Kenny thought.


End file.
